I'm sure that many of you have heard this saying before, and if you haven't this may just give you a whole new perspective. I have been wanting to write this post for a while talking about this as a woman and mother and how comparison can affect our lives. What happens when we start comparing ourselves to others? I do not believe it is a healthy thing and believe that the only comparison we should be making, is to ourselves and the progress we are making personally. Everyone out there is living in a different situation and stage of their life. How many single mothers are out there? How many divorced women are out there? Then there are those that are re-married and may have a blended family? Who is in a more traditional situation where you have been married to the same person and have children with your spouse? Who is a stay at home mom? Who is a full time working mom? Who is a part time working mom? There are so many scenarios out there that we may be living in and the last thing we should be doing is comparing ourself to others. I could go on with the list, but I think you get the idea. What happens when you see other women and compare yourself or situation to the one you see or perceive them to be in? Did you notice that I said perceive? Quite often our perception of things isn't even accurate.
When you see another woman/mother and think they have got it all together, is it based on the pictures you see on their "highlight reel" from Facebook or a blog? Maybe what you perceive as being so amazing and perfect in someone else's life is simply a picture they are painting. Do you see behind closed doors what their life is like or hear from them how they feel things are going? These may be things that you are comparing that make you feel inadequate in your life and shouldn't. We all have strengths and weaknesses. You may see strengths in others that you feel you don't have, but what you may not recognize is that you have other strengths that the person you are comparing yourself too sees in you and wishes they had. We were all made to function differently and chose different paths in life and that is ok. I believe that everyone needs to base their decisions on what they think will work best for their family in their situation, not based on a comparison to others, and that as women we should be supporting each other along the way.
As mothers/women we are faced with so many decisions. Are you going to breastfeed or formula feed? Do you use cloth diapers or disposables? What type of sleep training are you using or are you (because you know you should be - note my sarcasm here). Do you put your baby in their crib to sleep or do you co-sleep? Regardless of what you choose or sometimes have to do when one doesn't work out, people will always have an opinion about it. Are you doing what is best for you and your child in your situation? Then move forward with it and be confident. Then comes the comparison of what your baby/toddler is or isn't doing yet compared to others. Infants and children develop at a different pace. Is your baby sleeping through the night yet? Is he/she rolling, crawling, walking, talking........ Have you started potty training yet? Don't let someone else make you feel inadequate. Are you a stay at home mom and loving it? Embrace it, but don't judge others that choose a different path. Are you a mom that works full time either based on desire or necessity too? If it works for, or is necessity for your family then feel confident in that choice. If you are a stay at home mom, don't make someone else feel guilty because they have their children in day care and are working. It is very hard for working women to decide what type of child care is going to work for them. I see women struggle with this all the time and it only adds salt to a wound when someone judges them for how they are doing things. Where are your kids going to go to school? Private, public, charter or Home School? The list of comparisons can go on and on and what is truly accomplished? Understand, that there is no one absolute right or wrong way of doing things.
Do all of these comparisons leave you analyzing yourself and situation constantly? Do we really wonder why depression and anxiety in today's society are so high? When you are constantly comparing your situation to how someone else's appears, the joy in your life will always be on a constant drain. Even when you are using these comparisons to make you feel better about how you are doing things compared to someone else's mess you think you see are you really just building up a false sense of having your life in perfect order so that when something doesn't work out, your whole world comes crashing down around you? When you are doing that, how are you making the person that's in the situation that you perceive as being a mess feel? You certainly aren't building her up and encouraging her that she can move forward. You could be distancing yourself from people that you are misjudging so that you build yourself up at the expense of another. What if you stood by that woman and encouraged her through (not told her how she should be doing things)? You might surprised because someday she might be your best ally and supporter when you are in a difficult stage or situation.
I have never believed in comparing myself to others. I am fortunate that my dad instilled this in me at an early age. So much so, that whenever I have been in a group where this goes on, I separate myself from it. We need to be women that support each other and help each other grow. Grow from what? Whatever point you are at in your life. If you are the woman that does not have any children yet, but when you see how other women are raising their children stop at the second you start to think "I would never.............. with my child". Anyone with experience will assuredly tell you that will only come back to haunt you. If you are the mom with a baby, don't compare to the mom who's kids are of a different age such as teenagers. If your are now a grandmother, don't focus on how differently your children are doing things and tell them how they should be doing things based on how you did things. Times change and how things are done change.
Instead, could we all agree to stand by, and be a blessing in each other's lives? I think if we all did this, we would be amazed at the things we would notice in our lives.
I would like everyone know that a great amount of thought and time went into my writing this post. In fact I spent weeks. I would to hear your comments and apologize for my lack of posts while I have worked on this one.
Well said, I needed to hear this today. The gears in my head are turning, thank you!
ReplyDelete